Gone Baby

It's been a while since I was last here, and boy have things changed. Well, that's the entire reason that I am even back here. Typing away on a tiny little iPad keyboard....

In February of this year, we received a big blow to our family setting. My husband's job was being surplussed. Laid off. Fired without reason. He was no longer needed, but we still needed his pay! Our options were simple: either transfer within the company by May 1st, or take a separation package, and pray you could find a job outside of the company, and fast. Unfortunately, the only job that he could find internal was 7.5 hours away in Florida. He will have to stay for at least the next 12 months.  I am now more alone than I have been in years. Life sucks.

I have been happily married for the past 11 years. I love my husband more than I even love myself. To be away from him like this is killing me. I try to keep my mind off of things, but for the last 11 years I have always put him first, and I am unable to do that now, and it is frustrating. I feel like he doesn't need me anymore, and I feel useless. I feel like I am slowly losing my husband, and it is through no fault of my own. Yes, my work takes some of my time, and my son definitely takes the rest, but it still just feels wrong. I feel like I have abandoned him to be alone in Florida, but I know I haven't. I know he's the one that left me here to "man" the house in his absence. None the less, it still just feels wrong. But there is nothing I can do.

If I uproot the rest of the house to move to Florida to be with him, we lose what is left of our savings. And who's to say that FL is even a decent place to live? I'm comfortable in our current house. My son is comfortable here as well. But I NEED my husband.

Before this bad detour, I used to believe that I didn't need him. I thought that I could live without him, and that the only reason that I even stayed with him was because I wanted to. I now know that it was just a feminist crock of shit that I told myself to make me feel superior, or some kind of nonsense. No, I definitely without a doubt need that man.

We are now 2 weeks into this at least year long journey of trying to keep our financial house at status quo while ripping our emotional house in two. I will be here often. I've got to have somewhere to get things off of my chest. Yes, I have friends and family that I can talk to, but they pity me, and hover, and I just can't take that shit right now. I need someone to listen that has absolutely no attachment to my life whatsoever. Thank you for being that spot. Thank you for listening. I'm going to try to not be an absolute sap for the next year. I'm hoping you can help me with that, too.

So here's to the beginning of my short-term long-distance marriage. I hope we all survive this year.